AUGUST 31, 2009 STARTS A NEW LIFE...

Well today August 31 I made a promise to myself to better myself. This week I have lots of plans… I signed up for a photography class and I’m feeling two things about it… one is that I’m down because I don’t have a camera I wish I had the money to just get one but DSLR camera are never cheap. It ok I’ll save one day soon I will have it. Second is that I’m really looking forward on learning something new and hoping that I can make something great out of it! I plan on starting a company by teaming up with my cousins. I love taking pictures already so this will be a job that I love doing ;-) I will need to learn the camera but also Photoshop. With Photoshop I will be able to learn graphics designing and that will be another creative thing I will do and love doing. I also can use it at work hopefully.
I been going to a back doctor and plan on working out soon as soon as he gives me the ok! Be healthier and eat right. I think it will help me all the way around in life.
I been planning to get more organize and if I may say I been doing better with the organize goal ;-)

It doesn’t happen over night and I know that is true but a step at a time I will make things better for myself and my family!

I don't know what is up with her at night?!?!?

Well we moved into my in laws 2 nights ago and if I thought Alessandra sleeping habits were bad well they just got worst. Maybe it is my fault. I don’t know but we really need to fix it! I love rocking her to sleep because it is time I talk to her and tell her how much I love her. And gosh holding her and watching her dream away feels so good! Well before I would rock her and in 5 minutes she was out! Napping was never easy because she would fight her sleep. Well now she is older it has been getting harder and harder. I don’t like her cry to go to sleep when I can cuddle with her and rock her to sleep makes me happy and her too but she doesn’t make it that easier like she use to. It is only easy when she is dead tired. So I wanted to try “cry it out” but now that we move in my in laws I feel bad. Because she will wake up in the middle night ANYTIME and I don’t want everyone sleeping and she wake up at 3am and crying like crazy and wake them up. But I really think I am going to need to talk to them because this is only getting worst. Last night she kept on waking up every hour and crying with her eyes close so I had to rock her to bed every time and by 1am I just had her sleep with us to make it easier for me to rock her. I don’t want her sleeping with us all the time because she has her own bed and mom and dad needs to have their bed. Gosh I really don’t know what to do because yea it is getting bad I hate to hear her cry ;-(

6 months appointment...

Yesterday we had Alessandra’s 6 months appointment. I love going to see how much she grew! Well yesterday she weight in 17lbs 15oz (I thought she was heavier then that) and 27in long. She is good with the weight and height so I was happy to hear that. The doctor says she moves a lot so that’s why she doesn’t gain a lot weight! The doctor asked me about her development and I told her the list…
1. sits up by herself
2. crawls
3. grabs things
4. stands up (hold on to something like the crib)
5. eating solids
6. rolls over
7. talks
a. baba
b. mama
c. papa
She said she is doing great in the development and I have nothing to worry about! She asked me if I was going to do the flu shot because it was in and she is of age that she can have it. I stated no because I really not crazy about the whole “flu shot” thing. I don’t like how they give you the little of the flu to help you fight it if you come across it. I’m old fashion, when we get it, we fight it the natural way… lemon tea, chicken noodle soup, and sleep and sleep! Plus she doesn’t go to day care so her odds to come across it, are slimmer! The doctor agreed! She got one shot and we have 3more to go. So I’ll be there the next 2 weeks! So over all I was very happy with the appointment.

***side note: I have Alessandra on a weekly shot schedule meaning she only gets one shot at a time. So instead of one 6month visit it goes into how many shot there is. So 4 shots equals 4 visits! She ends up with no side effects!

Do I have a toddler? Moving thoughts?

Well lately Alessandra has been on a mission to do everything. Everything that is in arm reach she wants to grab. She sits up like crazy never wants to be lying down; even when I change her diaper she is rolling over so she can crawl away or tries to sit up by her self. She is teething like crazy and now has new thing on chewing on her thump, oh I’m trying to stop that! She crawls and rolls all over the place! When she doesn’t want something... SHE DOESN’T WANT IT! Sometimes I have to fight with her to eat her food the right way and stop playing around with it! And she use to be so good with the feeding! OMG I miss my baby! Yea I love how she is getting bigger and now we have so much fun with her but GOSHHH I didn’t know I would get a toddler really soon! OH NO what will I do when she is TWO if she is like this now at 6months?!?!?!?

Moving… well I lease is over at our apartment so I decide to move in with my in laws at live 2 blocks away. We are always over there and they babysit the baby so it was smart to move there to save money and wait to get a house! Well I HATE packing and what I think what makes it worst is half (most) of out things will be going into storage and what we need and what can fit will be with us. So I have decided what a need is and what we don’t need now! Oh how fun right?!?!? Well have to be out by Aug 31 so time is running out on the packing the right way! And this past weekend they took all the big furniture to the storage so everything is on the floor and the apartment is messier then it was before!
Beside all that “GREAT” stuff, there is really good things about the move… I’m happy we will save tons of money and when we move to will be a home for our family that we really want! I plan on using this time to better myself and really get a hold of ORAGNIZATION!! Now we will see how everything goes. I hope it turns out great and nothing gets messed up on the say!

This weekend...

Friday… picked up Alessandra and got some formula and baby stuff! Went home and started to pack out clothes in the dresser so if we move things to storage they will be able to take the dresses and the big furniture! Well that only made more of a mess in my house! Also my sister came to help me with the packing but really end up helping with the baby! Well after packing a few boxes my back was killing me so we went to my in laws to chill and watch a movie well before the movie started I knocked out! LOL!

Saturday… went to breakfast with the family and then to storage. Alessandra started to cry when I was drinking my cup of water so I gave her the water and she drank out of it like a big girl but end up pouring it all over herself! And she wanted more LOL! Well we got the storage and truck so the guys went to the house and picked up my bedroom furniture, dining room table, bookshelves, couch, and took some things to my in laws house! Well that made my house even more of mess! So by 4pm I got ready for the birthday party and my sister, Alessandra and I went! Everyone there was in love with Alessandra! Well we stayed for a little and then went my in laws to chill to watch the dolphin game and help get things ready for the party!
Sunday… Alessandra woke up a 6am and thought… LET’S PLAY ON MOM’S AND DAD’S BED! So I started to play tickle with her and it was great to see her laugh and smile that early in the morning! Well we got up and got ready to go to my in laws to help out and stuff! well the party started and Alessandra loves to see other babies and there was 3 so she was super happy... so happy that she showed off... she was crawling like crazy and grabbing them and talking to them and laughing and then sat up by herself... she always sit up but by me pulling her up well she found out that if you crawling you can sit up myself easier then pulling yourself up LOL and then I put her in the crib to take a nap what did the little brat do when she woke up she grabbed the monitor and started to talk to it, I guess to tell me she was wake and then pulled the plug lol and then the next nap she stood up in her crib! (Thanks to DH he thought her how to stand up in her crib) OMG SHE IS GETTING WAY TOO BIG! She is such a SHOW OFF LOL! I miss me little bitty baby that just needed me for everything now she don’t need me... well only to pick her up and feed her and change diapers lol!
Well this weekend was nice but OHHH MANNN I need to pack and clean things up! ;-)

THIS WEEKEND PLANS...

This weekend we have a lot of plans… checking out the storage and maybe more something. I have to pack… GRR I never knew we had so much shyt! I’m so not organize! I really need to fix that! Also i was invited to an other brithday party for one of my mom's co worker! So packing and then Sunday is my brother in laws birthday party so I will be helping my mother in law with that! Cooking and family fun is always great!

WHAT I FEEL...

What I feel… well lately I been looking at myself and how I can better myself! Maybe go back to school and learn little things here and there to better myself. Organize myself so I don’t get so stressed out! Do things that make me feel better! I wanted to photography it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be but I will keep that goal. I plan on more education to do other things; we will see how that go once I move! I want to better myself in my health as well. I have always been a skinny girl, 100lb max, just before I had Alessandra I was 140lb and now I am 110lb but so out of shape! I plan on working out, not to be skinny but to be healthy and better in shape to do more things. I have been feeling so lazy and tired! I sleep enough but it never feels enough!

That’s the feeling of today… BETTERING MYSELF!

6months... Feb 20 until NOW!

6 months flew cross my face so fast. I can’t believe Alessandra is 6 months today. I remember hold her small little self not she huge and so big! I remember breastfeeding her and having that moments with her that meant so much to me! I’ll never forget those times and any time I share with her! Let’s rewind because I never got to tell you my birth story! Feb 19 I had a doctor appointment and everything was fine and I was already 39 weeks and 4 days the doctor said she thinks I was going to go 41 weeks and my hubby and father in law were upset about that because they thought I was getting too big and that would be too much for me. Well the next day around 3am I kept waking up to go pee but really didn’t have something come out. Kept going back to sleep after trying to pee. So by 5am I realize maybe I was contractions with no pain so I laid there writing them down. Yea they were happening every 3 minutes. When I realize that I started to cry. I got scared to push her out. Alexander popped up thinking something was wrong but I told him “omg I’m going to have a baby” he said “yea, right now?” I said I didn’t want to go now just wait and I’ll get ready so he made the calls to the grandparents.

We finally went to the hospital at 7am. Abuela Norma, Abuelo Alejandro, Zuli, Abuela Mima, and Moriah were there to see if today was the day! So the nurse checked me in and checked to see how much I have dilated also all the doctor to see if I would be staying. Well after knowing I was 3cm dilated the doctor said I’m staying and gave me the pitocin so the pain kicked in and we started this thing called child birth ;-)
I was pretty good with the pain… no I’m not saying it didn’t hurt but I didn’t need anything to help me with them. I kept saying “I can do it” “The pain is going to go away” “I’ll see my baby girl really soon” “I don’t need epi” and that go me through the pain! The nurses kept asking in I needed an epi like they were going to get a bonus if I got it so I kept saying no!

So 12pm came around like in seconds and they checked me and I was 5cm dilated at that point so the kicked the pitocin some more and told me they will be backing me water. I was doing pretty well with the pain and still didn’t need drugs until they broke my water… OMG that was scary! That felt like an ocean came out my vajayjay! I started to cry and everyone thought I was in pain but I wasn’t, I just freaked out with all that water keep coming out! They stated that the baby went poop before they broke the water so that put a red flag up on the delivery to make sure her first breathe was only air and not water and air! Well they told me the pain was going to increase and it surely did. They offered me the epi and I said no again but wanted something to make me droggy, so they gave me it through my IV and WOW you feel like you high! It was GREAT! I was making everyone laugh! I remember one time I told Alexander “baby I can do it” he told me “yea you said that more then 100 times already” WOW I got upset and started yelling at him telling him if he is not going to support me then he can get out! Everyone told him he was crazy it say that and shut up next time lol! I was acting so high it was funny! Tia Maria came was taking pictures!

3pm I was 6cm so I needed to move from side to side every 30mins to make things go faster so I did. And every time I needed to go to the bathroom they kept asking me if it was #1 or #2 and I got so made because they kept asking me that around that time I yelled #1 GOSH!! LOL! Well by 530pm I could breathe so my father in law fanned me and that was great! And in minutes I felt her drop and all I could say was “I have to push, I have to SHIT!” yup I said “I have to shit” and that all I could say. The nurse checked me and said she crowned and I can’t push until the doctor comes or I will hurt the baby or myself. I told her if she doesn’t get the doctor in here in a second she will be delivering the baby! LOL! Gosh looking back I was mean… hey remember I didn’t have epi and I was in PAIN! She had to pull a hospital doctor and checked me. she said don’t push because the baby will inhale the water and that was bad so I stopped… only because my baby girl comes first but as soon as my doctor came in at 6:08pm and said push I did! I first started to push with my head going back and popped a lot of my veins on my body for pushing so hard because I was doing to wrong, I needed my head forward to push her out so my father in law grabbed my head and pushed it forwarded. WOW that helped so much! Well they cut me so I would rip and used the suctions and pop she cane out in 7 minutes! At 6:15pm on February 20, 2009 I had a beautiful baby girl name Alessandra Maria Freiria! And had 7 people that watch the whole experience, many people say I was crazy but having them made it even more special. Thank you for supporting me!

Here is the link of the pictures...
http://picasaweb.google.com/xandercoded/AlessandraMariaFreiria03?authkey=Gv1sRgCObbk_mO27uUgQE&feat=directlink#

WELL that was 6months ago MY BIRTH STORY… and from then to now Alessandra has been through many milestones like…

Pulling her head up, push herself up, rolling, talking, yelling, eating solids, sitting up, and even crawling!

WOW time flew and I will have a one year before I know it! Well saying that I need to start planning the “1st birthday”

BETTER LATE THEN NEVER... ALESSA IS CRAWLING!

OMG SO ALESSANDRA HAS BEEN ROCKING FOR A WEEK AND OF COURSE KEPT ON FALLING SO I STARTED TO MOVE HER HANDS. WELL SHE LOVES LAPTOPS AND CELL PHONES (YUP ALREADY WANTING TO TALK TO HER FRIENDS LOL) WELL I THOUGHT TUESDAY NIGHT, LETS UP THE CELL PHONE ON THE FLOOR SO SHE CAN WANT IT AND CRAWL TO IT AND YUP IT WORKED. SHE CRAWLED OVER THERE LIKE NOTHING. LIKE SHE KNEW HOW TO DO IT THE WHOLE TIME AND JUST DIDNT WANT TO SHOW US LOL! YAYYYY ALESSANDRA IS A BIG GIRL NOW!!

BEYOND THANKFUL

I have been going through things with some people that same couple days but it made me realize how THANKFUL I AM! I’m thankful for Alexander, my hubby/butthead is always there by my side, loves me no matter what, tries to make things better, focus on the family and to make things better for us, keeps trying to make him self better/smarter so we can have better life. Alessandra’s daddy loves her beyond words, and wants the best for her and will do anything for her. I’m thankful for Alessandra, my princess/coosi always makes me smile, beings me so much joy, healthy, and smart. After losing a child, I knew God had his reason and now I know what it was, so I could have Alexander and Alessandra. You have to go through pain and bad times to get the good! And now I know! I’m thankful for all that loves me and my family and those that completely support us!

PLAY DATE TODAY

I have a play date planned with 3 mommies and I’m SUPER happy! I can’t wait! We are going to the indoor playground. Alessandra loves to see the kids play and play with new toys she doesn’t have at home. We will see if she likes the bounce house today! Well I’ll be back to get and tell the whole thing!! And of course pictures ;-)

THE BEST THING TO WAKE UP TO...

Oh man I woke up at 3am to feed her and now its 6:30 I am so tired am and she is talking to the mobile and monitor. But as I walk up to her she gives me the BIGGEST smile and tired mommy goes away! Gosh that smile makes me so happy; no words can express how happy it makes me. She starts laughing and gets all happy to see me too. As I change her I tell her Good morning and he gets all giggly and that surely makes a morning a GREAT one! I sing her “Good morning, Good morning, Good morning, it’s time to rise and shine. Good morning, Good morning, good morning, I hope your feeling fine. You got to get up, get out of bed, you got to get up, you sleepyhead. The day is going just for you and all your dreams will come true dooly doo dooly doo. Good morning, Good morning, Good morning, it’s time to rise and shine” she gets super happy to hear that while I change her. Yea it’s always great to sleep but when you wake up to this, it makes it so worth it.

Baby cook book

Well today i was on a few websites working on Alessa's cook and i found TONS of stuff so this book will be big and have TONS of info! ;-)

As I hold you...

I rock on the glider with you in my arms and so many things go through my head. I think about how much I love you and how I can hold you like this forever! I watch you sleep and it brings me so much happiness. I cant even imagine what you would be dreaming but I hope it's angels and only sweet things. I stare at you and just think back when you were so small and I was breastfeeding you. You have grown so much. You are starting to sit up, crawling, and saying your first words. I cant believe how time flew. I can remember when you were born. How I was so happy to see your beautiful face and to hold you. When your cord fell I cried because I knew you were growing up. I think about what the future will bring you. What you will be when you grow up? How well will you do school? What subjects you won't like? How many best friends you will have? It doesn't matter how big you get or what life brings you because at the end YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BABY!!

Princess I love you and I want to be the best Mommy I can be for you. I pray everyday that God blesses you.

I want to tell it all but I can't

I wish I was a writer that can tell it all. Sometime I feel like I know all about a murder but I can’t tell the story. I don’t know any murder and the story I need to tell is about me but I can’t tell it. I want to express my feeling to a point that makes me feel so proud that I can tell it and make me feel better. I really need to start blogging better, expressing more my feeling and thoughts because I cant hold it in my mind anymore. I think about so many things and sometimes I don’t even understand myself. And just thinking now, maybe it will be easier to write like blogging was a best friend I have and I tell them everything. I think I’m going to write that way, it will be easier to talk then to think about writing. It funny how I got 5.5 in the F ACT writing but I always think I can’t write. I think I underestimate myself sometimes. May it’s my learning disability? But do I have one or I’m underestimating myself again? Well I’m not going to put a lot of thought into this and move on to bigger and better things.

BEKKA'S (ALESSANDRA'S) COOK BOOK

(Above picture… she eating bananas from the jar lol never knew bananas were sour haha) So I decide to make a cook book for Alessa because she hates anything from the jar. She wants homemade baby food! Yea it’s great because it’s the healthiest but I can’t feed her sweet potatoes everyday so I need to buy a cookbook or make my own! I think ill make my own because then I can only have in the book the things she likes! If I buy one then it will have tons of other things I will not use! So cook book in the making! ;-)

ENOUGH is ENOUGH!!!

I been feeling down but I just got to a point that I DON’T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY! So I’m going to DO ME! In other word MAKE MYSELF HAPPY! I’m going to start doing things I like or what to do! Set goal and do them! And just love life because I’m blessed and I don’t need to be down for all the other BS! I have a beautiful family and they mean the WORLD TO ME!

HAPPY BEKKA IS BACK!!

This weekend

This weekend was great… I worked Saturday, got some more hours but Sunday was great! Meet another mommy from WTE. We went to TGI Fridays (my favorite place) for lunch and then went to an indoor playground. She has a 5month old baby girl too and she brought her friend with a 6month old boy. Alessandra loved it! She watched all the other kids play and run around. She played with all the toys (well try to eat them)! She kept yelling (happy yelling) at all the kids! Aww she was so happy I promise her ill take her more often! She doesn’t really have playtime with other kids so hopefully we will soon! Because is always with adults and I want to play with other babies!
Her update: she is sitting up like a big girl… she will fall from time to time but she is officially sitting up like a big girl! Aww my Koosy is getting soo big!

Saturday Aug 1, thoughts and feeling

Well I been feeling down lately and really don’t know why but getting my mind together and hoping things get better!

• Been feeling really achy and having tons of pain on my back and head soI started to go to a back doctor to help my pain and finds out my spin is turning ;-( so we have to fix that!
• I’m getting tired of the apartment and can’t wait to move in my in laws, yea it sounds crazy but it going to be great, I think ;-/ well it will give us time to save and get things together! And it will help me organize myself and get things done.
• After losing friends I started to feel really lonely and that brought me down even more. It’s crazy I started to think it was me and kicking myself. Am friendly and I open so much to people, I get so close and end up hurt! I care too much, when they really don’t care as much. Then I think if one is my friend then they can take me for me. I know I’m not bad person! I guess we were not meant to life friends! ;-( I’m not going to lie, it hurts but I’m getting over it and move on. I been closing myself lately I guess I’m trying not to get hurt again.
• Things are not prefect with me and him but I love him and yea we may not be married by paper but it’s until death do us part. Things changed so much ever since I got pregnant. So I’m learning to working through things but seem to get harder and harder! He seems change but then he shows that he isn’t. I don’t know how to make him understand how I feel but I guess when I do we will be stronger;-/ he stays he loves us to death but it seems like other things are before us and the other things make him happy! So I don’t know what to believe… his word or his action?? And marriage?? Well something came up that really hurt so I’m not really thinking about it anymore because it reminds me of that time and I start to cry ;-( so we will see I guess! Be side me complaining he is a good man at heart, I know most of the time he doesn’t see what he does, he means well!
• They are my world… I put them before myself. I want to make them happy then they ever been but how does one make another happy when they can’t make their self happy? I never want regrets with them but I’m not prefect. I try to be the strongest I can for them but sometimes I don’t feel a backbone to hold ME up and be strong for ME!
• My princess I want the world for her because she truly deserves it. I want to the best mommy I can for her! She is a blessing from God and I treat her like the precious gift that she is! She truly makes me smile in everything she does! Her smile, her laugh, her cry even changing a diaper makes me happy! Gosh she is amazing! I can’t wait to see her grow to the lady she will become! God bless my princess!
• GOALS?? I need to make them and DO THEM! I think I will feel better knowing I did something I wanted to do! Even if I’m the only one padding myself on the back ;-/

I think that enough for today... before I go into depression!