Baby cook book

Well today i was on a few websites working on Alessa's cook and i found TONS of stuff so this book will be big and have TONS of info! ;-)

As I hold you...

I rock on the glider with you in my arms and so many things go through my head. I think about how much I love you and how I can hold you like this forever! I watch you sleep and it brings me so much happiness. I cant even imagine what you would be dreaming but I hope it's angels and only sweet things. I stare at you and just think back when you were so small and I was breastfeeding you. You have grown so much. You are starting to sit up, crawling, and saying your first words. I cant believe how time flew. I can remember when you were born. How I was so happy to see your beautiful face and to hold you. When your cord fell I cried because I knew you were growing up. I think about what the future will bring you. What you will be when you grow up? How well will you do school? What subjects you won't like? How many best friends you will have? It doesn't matter how big you get or what life brings you because at the end YOU WILL ALWAYS BE MY BABY!!

Princess I love you and I want to be the best Mommy I can be for you. I pray everyday that God blesses you.

I want to tell it all but I can't

I wish I was a writer that can tell it all. Sometime I feel like I know all about a murder but I can’t tell the story. I don’t know any murder and the story I need to tell is about me but I can’t tell it. I want to express my feeling to a point that makes me feel so proud that I can tell it and make me feel better. I really need to start blogging better, expressing more my feeling and thoughts because I cant hold it in my mind anymore. I think about so many things and sometimes I don’t even understand myself. And just thinking now, maybe it will be easier to write like blogging was a best friend I have and I tell them everything. I think I’m going to write that way, it will be easier to talk then to think about writing. It funny how I got 5.5 in the F ACT writing but I always think I can’t write. I think I underestimate myself sometimes. May it’s my learning disability? But do I have one or I’m underestimating myself again? Well I’m not going to put a lot of thought into this and move on to bigger and better things.

BEKKA'S (ALESSANDRA'S) COOK BOOK

(Above picture… she eating bananas from the jar lol never knew bananas were sour haha) So I decide to make a cook book for Alessa because she hates anything from the jar. She wants homemade baby food! Yea it’s great because it’s the healthiest but I can’t feed her sweet potatoes everyday so I need to buy a cookbook or make my own! I think ill make my own because then I can only have in the book the things she likes! If I buy one then it will have tons of other things I will not use! So cook book in the making! ;-)

ENOUGH is ENOUGH!!!

I been feeling down but I just got to a point that I DON’T WANT TO FEEL THIS WAY! So I’m going to DO ME! In other word MAKE MYSELF HAPPY! I’m going to start doing things I like or what to do! Set goal and do them! And just love life because I’m blessed and I don’t need to be down for all the other BS! I have a beautiful family and they mean the WORLD TO ME!

HAPPY BEKKA IS BACK!!

This weekend

This weekend was great… I worked Saturday, got some more hours but Sunday was great! Meet another mommy from WTE. We went to TGI Fridays (my favorite place) for lunch and then went to an indoor playground. She has a 5month old baby girl too and she brought her friend with a 6month old boy. Alessandra loved it! She watched all the other kids play and run around. She played with all the toys (well try to eat them)! She kept yelling (happy yelling) at all the kids! Aww she was so happy I promise her ill take her more often! She doesn’t really have playtime with other kids so hopefully we will soon! Because is always with adults and I want to play with other babies!
Her update: she is sitting up like a big girl… she will fall from time to time but she is officially sitting up like a big girl! Aww my Koosy is getting soo big!

Saturday Aug 1, thoughts and feeling

Well I been feeling down lately and really don’t know why but getting my mind together and hoping things get better!

• Been feeling really achy and having tons of pain on my back and head soI started to go to a back doctor to help my pain and finds out my spin is turning ;-( so we have to fix that!
• I’m getting tired of the apartment and can’t wait to move in my in laws, yea it sounds crazy but it going to be great, I think ;-/ well it will give us time to save and get things together! And it will help me organize myself and get things done.
• After losing friends I started to feel really lonely and that brought me down even more. It’s crazy I started to think it was me and kicking myself. Am friendly and I open so much to people, I get so close and end up hurt! I care too much, when they really don’t care as much. Then I think if one is my friend then they can take me for me. I know I’m not bad person! I guess we were not meant to life friends! ;-( I’m not going to lie, it hurts but I’m getting over it and move on. I been closing myself lately I guess I’m trying not to get hurt again.
• Things are not prefect with me and him but I love him and yea we may not be married by paper but it’s until death do us part. Things changed so much ever since I got pregnant. So I’m learning to working through things but seem to get harder and harder! He seems change but then he shows that he isn’t. I don’t know how to make him understand how I feel but I guess when I do we will be stronger;-/ he stays he loves us to death but it seems like other things are before us and the other things make him happy! So I don’t know what to believe… his word or his action?? And marriage?? Well something came up that really hurt so I’m not really thinking about it anymore because it reminds me of that time and I start to cry ;-( so we will see I guess! Be side me complaining he is a good man at heart, I know most of the time he doesn’t see what he does, he means well!
• They are my world… I put them before myself. I want to make them happy then they ever been but how does one make another happy when they can’t make their self happy? I never want regrets with them but I’m not prefect. I try to be the strongest I can for them but sometimes I don’t feel a backbone to hold ME up and be strong for ME!
• My princess I want the world for her because she truly deserves it. I want to the best mommy I can for her! She is a blessing from God and I treat her like the precious gift that she is! She truly makes me smile in everything she does! Her smile, her laugh, her cry even changing a diaper makes me happy! Gosh she is amazing! I can’t wait to see her grow to the lady she will become! God bless my princess!
• GOALS?? I need to make them and DO THEM! I think I will feel better knowing I did something I wanted to do! Even if I’m the only one padding myself on the back ;-/

I think that enough for today... before I go into depression!